Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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