wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
