Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Randomize
