after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize