If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
