Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
