seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
