The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
