quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
