you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
