nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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