you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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