if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
it glows. i had to have it.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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