Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
