just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
