her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
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