Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize
