The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
