id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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