I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
