I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
