hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
