yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
