They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
