i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
