Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
