get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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