he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
