College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
