I'm going to jail i love you
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
