My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize