I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
