Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
