Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
