ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
the room spins SO much faster in panama
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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