Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
oh god was she eating orange peels again
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
