it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
