im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
