Betty ford says i'm here all night
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
