oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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