We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
