ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Bring me that man meat
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
