No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
