So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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