My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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