Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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