I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
should my penis look like a turkey
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
