Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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