sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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