so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
