I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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