I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Boobs are out for the taking
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
