I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
