I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
