Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I licked your asshole in confidence.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
