So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
