go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
