I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize