Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
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