capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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