I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
The adults are the big ones right?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize