Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
