2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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