ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
