I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
