Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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