two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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