69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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