You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
