She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
we should paint friendship bongs
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