Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize