i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
