I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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