she looked like the bat from fern gully.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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