Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
