I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
