A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
