He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
