Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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