i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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