I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
