is your mom at the bar?
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
