party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
