he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
