I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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