When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
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