Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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