I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
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