apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
