And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Randomize
